Anxiously Engaged

The phrase "to be anxiously engaged" is usually followed by "a good cause" and basically means to be involved in good things.

The literal meaning of that phrase is to have anxiety while being busy, in usual things, like life.

They always say that having some anxiety is normal and bla bla bla. But, if you have anxiety, then you have no idea what is normal, and you're waaay too busy worrying about whether or not it is normal, than to realize that it just is normal.

So what is an anxiously engaged person to do? Heck, I don't know, but I do know that this is what I do:

1) When Everything Else in Your Life is Out of Control, Control Things That Don't Matter so You Feel Better About Everything Else

2) Anticipate All Problems so You Will Be Prepared for Them

3) Apologize for Things That are NOT in Your Control

4) Avoid Situations That Exceed Your Social Threshold

5) Try to Never Forget Anything

6) Take Imaginary Hints Too Seriously

7) Time is Money; Time is How You Spell L-O-V-E; Time is Precious; Time is Lost and Never Found Again

8) Resist Hard Things


9) When Everything Else in Your Life is Still Out of Control, Control Things That You Literally Have No Control Over

Fun and games aside, anxiety is a real thing and should be treated like one. If you think you have anxiety, get help!




PS. If you thought that last part was a little too serious, here is a picture of an adorable kitten.

What Sucks About Growing Apart

You know when you have a friend for a period of time, and you love each other, and you always have so much fun together, and you do everything together, and you always have something to tell each other? Yeah, me too. And then, you know when all of the sudden, that really good friend starts to politely ignore you for a long time and then finally you've grown so apart that you barely know each other anymore so then you're not friends anymore and you literally have no idea why? Yeah, me too.

There seems to be quite a lot of reasons for why this happens... one friend moves away from the other; one friend goes to a different school; one friend gets married and the other doesn't; one friend has a baby and the other doesn't; one friend goes to graduate school and the other decides to go straight into the workforce; one friend just straight up decides to not be friends with the other anymore; one friend decides to become a partier and the other decides to be a stay-at-homer... It goes on. And yes, there are inspiring stories of how friends can survive the distance and remain close friends. But that discussion is for another blog post. This post is discussing how much it sucks when that doesn't happen.

Losing a friend feels almost like the stages of grief: denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance. I will show you.

Denial

At this stage, you are unsure about where your friendship stands.

You let other people think that you're still close friends.

If/when your friend was/is a missionary, and they stop writing you back, but you keep writing them.

And then you get to the point when you realize that that thing that you both really super loved when you were friends might not even mean that much to your friend anymore.

So you try really hard to be their friend again, and get your hopes up because you'll hang out once, only to be crushed because then they ignore you the next three times you invite them to stuff. 

Bargaining

This is when you realize that you have no closure.

Depression

That friend was irreplaceable. You tell yourself that you have even better quality friends now, and even if that is true, remember that that friend was still irreplaceable. 

You see them hanging out with other mutual friends and wonder why you didn't make the cut and why you are being left out.

When you see something you know they would've loved but can't really tell them about it because you don't talk. 

When you put a lot of thought into their "happy birthday" fb post because that's the only time you talk to them... 

...but then when it's your birthday... 

... is all you get.

Then, you start to apply Taylor Swift's sad break-up songs to your dying friendship.

Anger

At this stage, you are angry at the situation, angry with them for not fighting for your friendship... it is THEIR loss that you're not friends anymore.
And then when not even your friend's MOM cares about your life anymore??! 

Ouch. And...

...so you start to apply Taylor Swift's mad break-up songs to your dying friendship.

Acceptance

Finally, you accept that you are no longer friends. You no longer feel sad that you can't tell them about that thing they would love. You're not angry that their mom doesn't remember you anymore. You stop trying to invite them to stuff. And you're okay. Life moves on. 

Social media moves on too, and it's hard to know whether or not it's appropriate to add them on snapchat, or follow them on instagram, or connect with them on LinkedIn... 

Finally, you start to apply Taylor Swift's closure songs to your dead friendship.

The steps don't have to go in order, and reversion is a possibility. The steps themselves suck, and reverting back to a previously-completed step also sucks. There are no rules or time limit to the grieving process, so luckily you can endure your sad feelings for as long as it takes for you to permanently and peacefully accept the possibility of never ever being friends with that person again. Like ever. 
And eventually, it gets better.

22 Confessions of a 22 Year Old

1) Sometimes I eat chocolate covered raisins and Dr. Pepper for breakfast.

2) I tell myself I'm going to get up early and study. And then I spend a really long time straightening my hair and watching Gilmore Girls.

3) I still need help matching my clothes. Thank goodness for living with other people.

4) I'm not good at Twitter.

5) I have duct tape taped to the bottom of my favorite shoes in an effort to keep them from ripping any further.

6) I own cat earrings. And I wear them.

7) I recently had a dream where I caught Ebola and couldn't go to school for 3 weeks while I was quarantined.

8) All I want to get in the mail is an acceptance letter to Hogwarts.

9)  I'm super good at keeping in touch with my high school friends. I catch up with them about once a year. #iwenttocollegeoutofstate

10) After wishing them a happy birthday, I fb stalk them (you?) for a while (time-permitting) and reminisce about the good ol' days.

11) Sometimes I'm accidentally a vegetarian. My husband has to remind me when we haven't eaten meat in three days.

12) Even though I've taken math up to CalcII, I still call the alpha symbol "fish."

13) Some people wake up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy, and sometimes I do, but other times I wake up feeling like a unicorn.

14) I still read the fancy "D" in "Disney" as a backwards "G."

15) Still don't really know what I want to be when I grow up.

16) My biggest pet-peeve is people who are inconsiderate. That is an umbrella term for all people who don't use their blinker while driving; people who talk loudly on the phone while everyone else nearby is being quiet; people who don't do their job so then you have to; people who are late; people who procrastinate doing their part in the group project; people who come into the store when it's only open for another 5 minutes and then take 30 minutes to do finish their shopping... I could keep going but that's enough.

17) The movie Tangled is my spirit-movie, if there is such a thing.

 

18) I would love to be tour guide at a National Park.

19) I love Taylor Swift, and there is nothing you can do or say that will make me be ashamed of that fact, or make me change my mind about it.

20) I want to wear my wedding dress all the time.

21) I sleep with my hair up in a bun at the very top of my head like Cindy Lou Who.

22) My favorite, favorite, FAVORITE blonde joke is:

There once was a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde running from the cops. They ran into a barn and hid in some potato sacks. The cops ran in after them. One thinks that maybe the girls are hiding in the potato sacks. He kicks the first one containing the brunette and hears a "meow, meow!" so he thinks it's just a sack of cats. He kicks the second one containing the redhead and hears a "woof, woof!" so he thinks it's just a sack of puppies. He kicks the third one containing the blonde, and hears "POTATOES!!!"

All You Are Is Mean: Stop It

I haven't experienced or witnessed a quantifiable amount of bullying since high school. I figured that since we are all "adults" in college, especially a religious one like BYU, that generally nice people would be the norm.
Lately, and sadly, this has not been true anymore. Maybe I have been lucky because it's taken this long, maybe I have missed the classes where all the bullies are. I don't know. All I know is that I'm already tired of it. So I'm going to passive aggressively blog about it, and hope one day that some bully will read it and repent, and I've helped a little bit to make the world a better place. Despite the fact that it would be deeply satisfying, I won't reveal anybody's identity.

Bullies I've seen look like this:

They have the following attitude about people around them:

This is how I see their attitude affecting other people:

This is what I want to tell them:

Bullies, watch out. Taylor Swift will sing songs about you, and I will write blogs about you. 

I want you to apply the following:



And I want you to think about this:



Spread the word, guys.