I have recently graduated from college, moved away from college-town to a nice condo, cut my hair, and started 2 new jobs! One job is anywhere from 30-60 minutes away from my new place, and, inevitably, I have joined finally joined the Commuters Club! I didn't really drive much before, and now that I have started driving significantly more, I have a lot of thoughts to share about the Commuters Club, specifically the one that travels I-15.
For those of you who don't know, I-15 runs north-south across the entire state of Utah. It is basically your main highway, unless you are trying to travel outside of Utah.
It gets very crowded.
1) Thou shalt treat the road as your own. Thou shalt not share with anyone in any way.
There are some drivers who are entitled to the road and don't feel that they need to share it with others at all. Make sure you are one of these people.
Merge and swerve around all obstacles in the road, and disregard the many scares and many accidents as a result. During these actions, remember to follow Commandment #2.
2) Thou shalt not look. Ever. If you need to change lanes to avoid a slightly slower car in front of you, just do it. Someone else will honk if there's a problem with your choice.
3) Thou shalt not allow other drivers to merge into your lane. If other people need to merge into your lane, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT let them in. Someone else will. Additionally, if there is no other choice but to let them in, make sure they squeeze in behind you, not in front. Thou shalt always be in front.
4) Thou shalt follow the speed limit. The speed limit is not an upper limit, but rather a lower limit. If the speed limit is 70 mph, that means you should be driving at least 70mph. There is no upper limit, unless there is a cop around. If that is the case and you believe in altruism, come to a full and complete stop until you've passed him. This helps you, and the drivers behind you, slow down enough to the cops won't pull you, or them, over.
5) Thou shalt educate other drivers on the road. If you come across a driver who does not understand the 4th Commandment, and actually just drives at 70mph, before following Commandments 1 and 2, tailgate them for a while. People will never learn about these commandments unless you let them know.
6) Thou shalt turn left properly. When turning left, use the the following color scheme rules:
GREEN: Go, go, go! Do not hesitate to go. Just go.
YELLOW: Keep going, keep going, do not "slow down" or "use caution," just keep going.
RED: Keep the nose of your car five inches away from the bumper of the car in front of you, and follow that car as they turn left. Basically, just keep going, as close as you can to the car in front of you, until traffic from the other side physically starts moving (not just when their light turns green. Wait for them to start moving). When traffic from the other side starts to go, this is the sign that you should stop and wait for the next green light to turn left.
7) In relation to Commandment #6, when your light turns green, thou shalt look both ways before actually going. People may still be running the red light.
8) Thou shalt remember the construction workers. When you are driving in a construction zone where the speed limit is 55mph, make sure that you remember Commandment #4, that the speed limit is a lower limit. Keep driving 70mph, but make sure you keep an eye out for construction workers now. Do not slow down to 55mph until the cars around you force you to do so.
9) Thou shalt win the race. During stop-and-go traffic, remember that you own the road. Don't let other people in front of you, but work very hard to get in front of other people, not matter what the cost. Speed up to the fastest you can to the next car in front of you, and slam on your brakes when you are about four inches away from his car, to let everyone else behind you to slow down.
10) Thou shalt not text and drive. It's against the law to text and drive simultaneously. However, feel free to check Facebook, search for music on Spotify, read emails, call all your friends, take online surveys, and Snapchat while driving. That's not against the law, so it's still considered "safe" by the government. And, if it's an emergency, like your boyfriend asking you where you want to go to dinner tonight, it's okay to respond really quick, because he really needs to know as soon as possible.
There are some drivers who are entitled to the road and don't feel that they need to share it with others at all. Make sure you are one of these people.
Merge and swerve around all obstacles in the road, and disregard the many scares and many accidents as a result. During these actions, remember to follow Commandment #2.
2) Thou shalt not look. Ever. If you need to change lanes to avoid a slightly slower car in front of you, just do it. Someone else will honk if there's a problem with your choice.
3) Thou shalt not allow other drivers to merge into your lane. If other people need to merge into your lane, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT let them in. Someone else will. Additionally, if there is no other choice but to let them in, make sure they squeeze in behind you, not in front. Thou shalt always be in front.
4) Thou shalt follow the speed limit. The speed limit is not an upper limit, but rather a lower limit. If the speed limit is 70 mph, that means you should be driving at least 70mph. There is no upper limit, unless there is a cop around. If that is the case and you believe in altruism, come to a full and complete stop until you've passed him. This helps you, and the drivers behind you, slow down enough to the cops won't pull you, or them, over.
5) Thou shalt educate other drivers on the road. If you come across a driver who does not understand the 4th Commandment, and actually just drives at 70mph, before following Commandments 1 and 2, tailgate them for a while. People will never learn about these commandments unless you let them know.
6) Thou shalt turn left properly. When turning left, use the the following color scheme rules:
GREEN: Go, go, go! Do not hesitate to go. Just go.
YELLOW: Keep going, keep going, do not "slow down" or "use caution," just keep going.
RED: Keep the nose of your car five inches away from the bumper of the car in front of you, and follow that car as they turn left. Basically, just keep going, as close as you can to the car in front of you, until traffic from the other side physically starts moving (not just when their light turns green. Wait for them to start moving). When traffic from the other side starts to go, this is the sign that you should stop and wait for the next green light to turn left.
7) In relation to Commandment #6, when your light turns green, thou shalt look both ways before actually going. People may still be running the red light.
8) Thou shalt remember the construction workers. When you are driving in a construction zone where the speed limit is 55mph, make sure that you remember Commandment #4, that the speed limit is a lower limit. Keep driving 70mph, but make sure you keep an eye out for construction workers now. Do not slow down to 55mph until the cars around you force you to do so.
9) Thou shalt win the race. During stop-and-go traffic, remember that you own the road. Don't let other people in front of you, but work very hard to get in front of other people, not matter what the cost. Speed up to the fastest you can to the next car in front of you, and slam on your brakes when you are about four inches away from his car, to let everyone else behind you to slow down.
10) Thou shalt not text and drive. It's against the law to text and drive simultaneously. However, feel free to check Facebook, search for music on Spotify, read emails, call all your friends, take online surveys, and Snapchat while driving. That's not against the law, so it's still considered "safe" by the government. And, if it's an emergency, like your boyfriend asking you where you want to go to dinner tonight, it's okay to respond really quick, because he really needs to know as soon as possible.
And that is how to be a Utah Driver, folks. For the rest of us who try to drive safely, we just have to try to avoid these people at all costs and hope that they don't hit our cars.
You forgot the "Utah Road Block". It would go something like this: "When driving on a highway that has more than four lanes (two in each direction), thou shalt drive in the passing lane indefinitely, and go the EXACT same speed as the car next you, thus preventing faster travelers from passing you." It goes with #3 and "thou shalt always be in front!"
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