Me and the Grumpy Cat

Is anybody else tired of how internet headlines are full of cliffhangers? Or how they try to access some portion of your pride in order to get you to click on them? It's exhausting.

Here is a demonstration of how I've been reading internet article headlines lately (e.g., as a grumpy cat):

Please know that when I see essentially any article on my newsfeed, that I immediately Grumpy-Cat them all, no matter how amazing that Essential Oil, Candle, Political Affiliation, Investment, Food Group, Emotional State, Open Letter, etc., is. There's too much nowadays. Thanks, though. 

The Patriarchy

Can't sleep, the patriarchy is trying to kill me. 

- Mary Lambert

At first, being the only woman in really important work meetings was exciting. I'm a feminist, I'd think all proud of myself. I'm making a difference; I'm paving the road; anything these men can at least do just as well, if not better. The stuff I do matters, and I'm a woman doing it- the stuff that matters.

As time went on though, the comments began and continued. It's an uphill battle out there.

Its presence is not only at the place where I make on average per-the-state-of-Utah $0.67 to the man's dollar, despite having the same quantitative amount and better qualitative amounts of experience; despite outputting more accurate and resourceful work; and despite my great personality that makes me a fun human being to do work with and around. No, its presence is not only at work.

It's everywhere. It's suffocating.

And, it's not all about me either.

The worst part though? Is when the patriarchal stereotypes are correct.

*Shudders*

How Emily's First Week of New Job Went

This post is to serve as a humorous coping mechanism to my new current 'Most Embarrassing Story' of my life.

Many of you might know that I got a new job recently! Many of you probably also didn't know. Well, I got a new job! I was super sad to leave my old job and super scared to start a new job mostly because 'it might be scary and hard and what if they don't like me'. 

-- I also want to clear up any confusion about what I do. Yes, I have worked at 3 MLM companies now. No, I do not actually sell anything. I am not a distributor or presenter or associate that sells the product. I've worked at the corporate offices of these companies. For some reason, part of this "Silicon Slope" movement in SL/UT [oh my gosh that spells 'slut'!!! hahaha] counties also includes gazillions of MLM companies. Whatevs. So before you like unfriend me on FB or something, I work at the corporate office and I won't spam you. --

 Ok, back to the story. 

So, first day of work at new job:

As I am driving to work on my first day, the recruiter who got me to switch companies calls me and is like "Oh, we just found out that they actually want to fly you to a conference in LA today. Just so you know before you get there."

And sure enough, I get there, and I set up my brand new laptop and stuff, and then basically my boss is like:

And so I'm like:

And then he tells me to go home and get ready to leave. So I do, feeling super cool that I get to go to a conference with my new laptop and new job and stuff all by myself like a real adult with their shiz together. Also new company just dropped more money all in one day than I paid in one semester's tuition for me to go to this conference.

I go home, and I eat myself a nice turkey wrap with onion and chive cream cheese. I pack, and then I basically watch TV with the hubby until we have to leave for the airport. All the while, I start to feel super nauseous. 

We are about to leave, when I go throw up in the toilet. So of course, now I'm freaking out. 

Ultimately, I decide that that incident could have been a one-time thing, and I felt a lot better now, so maybe it would be okay and I could still go to this conference. So, Hubby drives me to the airport and drops me off. I'm still feeling fine, and I go to print out my ticket. 

Ticket won't print for some reason. So I go up to the front desk, and ask for some help. Basically, they told me there was something happening with the payment still, and so I called my new company's travel agent so she could check it out. She asks me to go back up and see if they can accept a payment over the phone. I do. 

And then I proceed to run to the nearest trashcan, which I actually just watched the poor janitor just take out a few minutes ago, and throw up (no, #thisisnotanannouncement). Hard core. HARD CORE PUKING. 

All I can say is at least I made it to the trashcan. 

Seconds after this escapade, my new boss calls me to ask me how the ticket-problem is working out. I tell him. 

 (Yes, those were my approximate exact words.)

He tells me to not feel bad if I have to stay at home, and that maybe if I made it to LA and was still feeling sick, then they would just fly me back home. I tell him that I would sit on this bench for a few minutes and see if I felt any better and then I would let him know. The whole time, people at the desk with whom I just spoke are still watching me. 

So I sit on a bench for a bit, willing with all my will to make this sickness go away. Well, it doesn't. Travel agent calls me back, which is when I decide that I shouldn't go.

She actually feels really bad for me and is really nice, but I'm mostly just mortified and feeling nauseous. I text Hubby to turn around and come back and get me. He does, and he takes me home, where I proceeded to live (or die) in the bathroom for the next 12 hours. 

Did I make the right decision by not going? Yes, audience. Yes. 

After the food poisoning ran its course, I went back in to new work. Everyone was super nice about it and felt so bad that I got sick. My boss wasn't mad at all. We found out a few days later that our entire fridge was broken, which is probably why I got sick. (Fridge is now replaced. I am still suspicious of most food that is not iced.)

But here is my new identity at work, which has persisted into Week 3 now:

And while my new job has been awesome since then, this is my most embarrassing story. The End.

Respectfully, a Millenial with Her Act Together

Dear Mr. Gen X,

I see you post a lot of comic strips, articles, pictures, and/or memes stereotyping and insulting my generation. Of course, by 'you,' I am not referring to a single person, but rather an entire group of adults who exhibit this type of belittling behavior towards an entire generation of people (if this is you, please also see my post about adult bullying).

Even as a millennial, yes, I too have also had to work with lazy and entitled people.

 After all, I went to school with them. Many of my own grades depended on them in the form of the 'Group Project.' Actually, some of these millennials very well could be your child.

I am not going to waste my words here to prove to you that "I [and many of my friends and peers] am the exception to the stereotype." I know who I am. I spend a lot of time, effort, and conscientious thought into proving to those around me that I do not deserve that negative stereotype. And, after all, you didn't explain your credibility to your audience when you announced on your Facebook that you were hiring for entry-level positions and needed the millennials to get their act together so you could hire them.

What I do want to talk about how we can all possibly work together in the coming years.

Mr. Gen X, have you seen Zootopia yet?

If not, you should. And I will still take the time to summarize it for you:

Once upon a time, there is a place where "anyone can be anything." In this place, there is a determined bunny named Judy who dreams of being a police officer. Bunnies are not usually police officers, when there are elephants and lions and polar bears who obviously look more qualified to do the job. However, Judy works through the stereotype, and graduates at the top of her police academy class. Everyone is so proud of her, and she moves to the city where she can finally live out her dream of being the police officer. Unfortunately, once she gets there, her boss doesn't take her seriously because she's a bunny, ignores her obvious qualifications, and puts her on parking duty.

Though disappointed, Judy works through it to prove to her boss that she can excel at being a police officer by doubling the amount of parking tickets that he doubts she will ever give out in a day. Then, she spots some mischief going on, is finally but reluctantly given a chance at real police work, and the rest of the movie happens.



At the top of her class, yes, Judy was probably very good at taking tests. However, in the end, she still had a lot to bring to the table, and she helped solve problems that the rest of the police department couldn't crack themselves. But this wouldn't have happened if her boss hadn't let go of his original stereotype.

Judy says this at the end of the movie, kind of as a summary of lessons learned (it's a kid movie, what do you expect?):

"Life's a little bit more complicated than a slogan on a bumper sticker. Real life is messy. We all have limitations. We all make mistakes. Which means, hey, glass half full, we all have a lot in common. And the more we try to understand one another, the more exceptional each of us will be. But we have to try. So no matter what kind of person you are, I implore you: Try. Try to make the world a better place. Look inside yourself recognize that change starts with you."

Mr. Gen X, I implore you to let go of the millennial stereotype. Because right now, no, I will not be applying to any of your posted jobs, nor will I refer my friends to work for you. My friends and I will go work for great employers who don't discriminate, like the employer I have now. All of the millennials left to work for you will be the sloths that you expect. As Harper Lee wrote: "People generally see what they look for and hear what they listen for."

I wish you well, Mr. Gen X. I hope that you will let your stereotypes go and find employees that will support you fairly.

Respectfully,

A millennial with her act together.