There seems to be quite a lot of reasons for why this happens... one friend moves away from the other; one friend goes to a different school; one friend gets married and the other doesn't; one friend has a baby and the other doesn't; one friend goes to graduate school and the other decides to go straight into the workforce; one friend just straight up decides to not be friends with the other anymore; one friend decides to become a partier and the other decides to be a stay-at-homer... It goes on. And yes, there are inspiring stories of how friends can survive the distance and remain close friends. But that discussion is for another blog post. This post is discussing how much it sucks when that doesn't happen.
Losing a friend feels almost like the stages of grief: denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance. I will show you.
Denial
At this stage, you are unsure about where your friendship stands.
You let other people think that you're still close friends.
If/when your friend was/is a missionary, and they stop writing you back, but you keep writing them.
And then you get to the point when you realize that that thing that you both really super loved when you were friends might not even mean that much to your friend anymore.
So you try really hard to be their friend again, and get your hopes up because you'll hang out once, only to be crushed because then they ignore you the next three times you invite them to stuff.
Bargaining
This is when you realize that you have no closure.
Depression
That friend was irreplaceable. You tell yourself that you have even better quality friends now, and even if that is true, remember that that friend was still irreplaceable.
You see them hanging out with other mutual friends and wonder why you didn't make the cut and why you are being left out.
When you see something you know they would've loved but can't really tell them about it because you don't talk.
When you put a lot of thought into their "happy birthday" fb post because that's the only time you talk to them...
...but then when it's your birthday...
Then, you start to apply Taylor Swift's sad break-up songs to your dying friendship.
Anger
At this stage, you are angry at the situation, angry with them for not fighting for your friendship... it is THEIR loss that you're not friends anymore.
And then when not even your friend's MOM cares about your life anymore??!
...so you start to apply Taylor Swift's mad break-up songs to your dying friendship.
Acceptance
Finally, you accept that you are no longer friends. You no longer feel sad that you can't tell them about that thing they would love. You're not angry that their mom doesn't remember you anymore. You stop trying to invite them to stuff. And you're okay. Life moves on.
Social media moves on too, and it's hard to know whether or not it's appropriate to add them on snapchat, or follow them on instagram, or connect with them on LinkedIn...
Finally, you start to apply Taylor Swift's closure songs to your dead friendship.
The steps don't have to go in order, and reversion is a possibility. The steps themselves suck, and reverting back to a previously-completed step also sucks. There are no rules or time limit to the grieving process, so luckily you can endure your sad feelings for as long as it takes for you to permanently and peacefully accept the possibility of never ever being friends with that person again. Like ever.
And eventually, it gets better.
